This is Goodbye

Since my first entry in early July 2004, blogging has been a big part of my life, through the good and bad and contemplative and angry. I tried to be careful about the identities of the people I wrote about and it generated mixed reviews. I tried to be civil but still ended up being vulgar for quite a few bits.

To be honest, blogging can be rather narcissistic for there would be a sense of pride when the stats counter jumped. And despite the once in a blue moon misunderstandings, I did enjoy writing for myself, friends and family in the past 4.5 years.

However, I’m at a different place now – spiritually (not in the religious sense), mentally and emotionally. And blogging cease to exist there. I’m a little tired of the self-censorships on the entries. I’m also fail to see the need of trying to stake a claim in the world by throwing my thoughts into cyberspace. Most importantly, I’ve learnt the merits of introspectiveness and the power of undisclosed information.

I’ll continue to write about things that happen to me, my thoughts and feelings. In fact, I have always written and accumulated diaries since I was 7. And I’ll continue to write to/for those I love.

Maybe I’d blog again, someday. But it wont be here, nor anytime soon.

Esto es adiós – farewell.

2009

The funTies started with zhichar at Chinatown, walked to Macs at Liang Court, settled at Brewerkz for the good part of the evening, and ended with Bak Kut Teh near UE.

Ushering the new year with the people who you grew up with is the best way to do it. Plus one unexpected phone call and a couple of messages from those you thought forgot. Comfort, bonds and testimony to friendships enduring the tides of time.

And since the NRs were packed and I refused to call for cabs which were happily exploiting the situation, I made a 5.2km trek home in 2.5in heels at 3am in the morning.

The journey gave me time to reflect on 2008. And made me remember the qualities I strive towards; and that we can do anything we set our hearts to.

New year celebrations continue today till the weekends!

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” ~ Neil Gaiman

2008 seemed very long at certain junctures. As always, the happy moments were ever so fleeting. I suppose the end of the year is a good time to take stock of the blessings and lament (just a little) over the opportunities missed or mistakes made. Still isn’t it funny that we do this once a year and be clumsy about life for most of the time?

Maybe I grew a little better, maybe I didn’t. Whatever it is, I hope I’m humble enough to always look into the mirror closely at what/who I’ve become.

Pre-New Year Resolutions

Stop being nice.
As being bitchy gives you what you deserve; being nice don’t.

Stop allowing people to affect me.
No one has the right to screw with my life other than me.

The sacred thing called health

Which we never appreciate till we lose. 

Then again, am thankful that the body picks relatively opportune moments to break down. And what better way to lose holiday weight?

Where we became instant millionaires

It was so much more than the sum of its parts. At various points, I was triggered to reflect upon how fortunate I am. And pictures and words can only do so much to illustrate the memories captured in those moments but already lost in time.

The boys are beyond wonderful (yes, even when morning call was at 7-ish each day). So everything from water (!!!) to crossing roads (a challenge through and through), from itinerary to cam-whoring, from food searches to entertainment, had been taken care of.  All I had to do was to make sure that the VND were not stolen. Being a millionaire was more difficult than expected.

Often times, a change of scenery and the company of good people are required to remind me of dreaming with no barriers, believing that nothing is impossible and I already have all that I need.

Lies

Paraphrased from Desperate Housewives:

The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves right before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves that we are happy. That we can change, or that we can expect people to change. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins, or that we can leave without certain things. Each night before we fall asleep, we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.

Joder

I will leave devastation in my wake. 
Those who pissed me off asked for it.

o.m.Fucking.g

I am so going to Vietnam and NOT coming back.
Alternatively, how much does it cost to contract a hit on myself?

Room for growth

I need to develop more character to be okay with people I care for moving on with life and side-stepping me. I guess it’s more important to be a friend when people require me to be one.

I’m wondering if one heart in this world has to be broken for another somewhere to be filled with joy. And if there are win-win situations in reality. But maybe we all hurt people without realising and touch people with knowing. And that I should continue to be bold and crazy no matter how scary. That one day in due course, all these would make sense.

I am still waiting for my divine intervention.