This is Goodbye

Since my first entry in early July 2004, blogging has been a big part of my life, through the good and bad and contemplative and angry. I tried to be careful about the identities of the people I wrote about and it generated mixed reviews. I tried to be civil but still ended up being vulgar for quite a few bits.

To be honest, blogging can be rather narcissistic for there would be a sense of pride when the stats counter jumped. And despite the once in a blue moon misunderstandings, I did enjoy writing for myself, friends and family in the past 4.5 years.

However, I’m at a different place now – spiritually (not in the religious sense), mentally and emotionally. And blogging cease to exist there. I’m a little tired of the self-censorships on the entries. I’m also fail to see the need of trying to stake a claim in the world by throwing my thoughts into cyberspace. Most importantly, I’ve learnt the merits of introspectiveness and the power of undisclosed information.

I’ll continue to write about things that happen to me, my thoughts and feelings. In fact, I have always written and accumulated diaries since I was 7. And I’ll continue to write to/for those I love.

Maybe I’d blog again, someday. But it wont be here, nor anytime soon.

Esto es adiós – farewell.

Value is subjective

I’d very much like to rave about internships but I’m often not sufficiently blessed. HOWEVER, I’m not quite going to complain.

For one, income is required after the ostentatious december. Plus I may one day need to recite the different cities in UK to save my life. Being part of a big organization is eye-opening. Being part of the Shenton Way crowd is a push in the direction of unhealthy weight loss. Being an intern means I can escape grown-up responsibilities for at least one more month.

Nevertheless, my work email is available to those who want to entertain me once in a while. (For those unaware, banks block half of the world wide web.)

On a separate note, old friends are the best people to remind you what’s really important

2008 seemed very long at certain junctures. As always, the happy moments were ever so fleeting. I suppose the end of the year is a good time to take stock of the blessings and lament (just a little) over the opportunities missed or mistakes made. Still isn’t it funny that we do this once a year and be clumsy about life for most of the time?

Maybe I grew a little better, maybe I didn’t. Whatever it is, I hope I’m humble enough to always look into the mirror closely at what/who I’ve become.

Globality

A force to reckon with. 

Over spilled milk

The number of times I shot myself in the foot is almost as bad as saying that I’m anorexic when applying to be a food reviewer.

Crossroads

I seldom choose the different route on purpose. Not when I did the 360 degree switch for CCA in JC. Not when I decide to work in the F&B industry just for the heck of it. Not when I fought with my parents for the longest time over my university choice. Not when I decided on my notasprofitable majors. And definitely not to not graduate. 

Yet somehow, the unknown has drawn me in with its allure, challenge and sometimes darkness. 

To say I’m not fucking scared is lying. Fingers crossed that I didn’t embark on the wrong journey.

Expenditure

Technically, I am not spending beyond my means (aka my bank account is not close to empty). But I am definitely spending more than a “should spend” sum. On one hand, there is the live frugally and save for the rainy day notion. On the other, there are so many things I want to experience (not shopping!) before I sell my soul to the corporate world. 

I know it’s about time to earn my keep. I know it’s about time to invest for the future. I know it’s about time to grow up. But I can only be a bum this long in life. And only 22 once. 

Sighs. Money, donde estan?

Rediscover

Am rediscovering the meaning of “efficiency”. Doesn’t mean anything about the correct priorities though. HAHA.

Don’t let go too soon. But don’t hang on too long

Some of us are finding jobs. Some of us have already found them. Some of us continue to study. I know I will pretend to. So what are we to do with those formative years – the last ounces of childhood and true freedom? What about the hurdles crossed and the challenges which lie ahead? What about the loves received and betrayals faced? And what about the people who have touched our lives? 

I have one semester more to say goodbye, to remember the happy times and to learn from the not so happy times. And here’s an unattributed passage to start (which is an almost complete juxtaposition of my refuse to grow up post):

“You will look back on the things you laughed and you will cry. You look back on the times you cried, and you will laugh. You will always remember close friends and you will keep memories of them in your heart. Life is hard – it’s tough, it’s unfair. But everyone gets over the hurt and the pain, eventually. And you always end up with a smile on your face, if you give it a chance

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat.

To let go is to cherish the memories, to overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realising that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free.

Don’t let go too soon. But don’t hang on too long.”

10 things you should know if you are going to Russia

1) Start applying for your Visa first. Don’t purchase your air tickets nor book your accommodations. Heck, don’t even start planning for your trip before your get your Visa approved. 

2) Get a Russian guide/translator. You are absolutely fucking screwed if your don’t speak Russia/have anyone with you who speak Russian. Receptionists at 3star hotels in Moscow speak English. Trying to make them understand what the air conditioning is already takes up 10minutes.

3) (For girls only) Prepare crutches if you intend to be in heels anything more than 1inch. Walking on clobbered streets in heels = pain that can only be experience and not described.

4) Only do money exchanges in banks. Because at least they are not likely to cheat you.

5) Learn how to read Cyrillic. Or else you will get completely lost in the metro (and everywhere else). Although being lost in the Metro is a damn exciting and surreal adventure on its own.

6) Russian summer are not warm at all. And 17 degrees feels more like 7. 

7) Don’t expect souvenirs to be cheap. Don’t expect most things to be cheap in the first place. But they are not Icanneveraffordit expensive either. 

8 ) Expect alcohol to be cheap. Vodka, vodka, vodka.

9) Muscovites are not the friendliest people on earth. Which can be quite a challenge when you are lost. But they are generally nice after getting to know them.

10) Get ready to be overwhelmed.