“good things quite often have hurtful consequences”

“He who fights with monsters should be careful
lest he become a monster in the process.
If you gaze long into an abyss,
the abyss will also gaze into you.”

manson, marilyn

“Are you motherfuckers ready
For the new shit?
Stand up and admit,
tomorrow’s never coming.
This is the new shit.
Stand up and admit.”

No idea why but there is a sense of gratification when I listen to this in the middle of the night.

happiness

quite rag-tag. extremely inexperienced. the sense of i-think-we’re-going-to-fuck-up. but we pulled it off!

there were moments in time that i felt i was about to collaspe from being overwhelmed at crisis command. i have never ran around campus so much in my 3 years. oh heck, we kinda kicked ass without getting too much of our asses kicked. i wont say everything was worth it cos we could have done much better in many aspects. nevertheless, the entire comm survived all the late nights, planning and executing the event and finally each other. I AM CRAZY PROUD OF ALL OF US!

anyhow, i can finally return to being half an undergraduate and start on intellectual pursuits like reading.

emails

life can be like your inbox… very, very messy.

total number of emails received in my most flooded account (yesterday): 123
total number of emails received as of 1055hrs today: 37

bloody scary.

fuck it larh

Just I was feeling guilty about prioritizing work and personal progress over caring for the people around, I realized that in all the cases I actually cared more than I should, I had been taken the fool.

So fuck it.

Leisure

“What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare? —

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.”

as we hustle and bustle about, we lose more than we ever took into account. opportunity costs, sacrifices, responsibilities, growing up. but have we really stopped to think, to reflect? if this is what we really want? if this is all worth it?

only highlight of yesterday

life is blah. but there’s one bright spot yesterday.

when my entire committee squeezed into a tiny KIA Picanto. with 6 guys plus one national high jumper in front, 3 girls in the boot and all the rest in the back seat making up 17.

kinda like all abroad with more expensive materials.

no matter what, PD better rock.

i hate being sick

especially when I keep dreaming about Patron’s Day and having unreplied emails. :(:(

Allure of Youth

Perhaps all these stem from repressed rebellion of teenagehood.

There’s the whole allure of youth. Innocence, recklessness, fun, boundless energy. Easily impressed and readily influenced. So I did happily ignore the wrongness of the entire equation.

My cardinal sin is my huge ego.

Extremism attracts the wrong crowd. Stares are okay although I sometimes fantasize about how a pencil in the eye would look like. Many still assume I club (loud music hurts my head), drink like a fish (only if money grows on trees) and am a boyfriend stealing slut (halirious cos firstly, give the guys some credit; secondly, if I have opted for that, I’d have people hanging off my arms now).

Daddy has foresight when he named me ’supplanter’.

Nevertheless, I believe in unicorns and like rainbows. I gush over cute puppies and dolphins have been my favourite animals since 4. Pretty sparkly stuff and being called princess still induces endorphins. Presents and treats, no matter how insignificant the monetary amount, instantly brighten up a day.

On this count, I’m too much of a child – silly and sometimes stupid.

Caution thrown into the wind, chased back and caught; then flushed down the toilet all the same. The hefty price tag is probably earned.

Nobody likes all of me. You cant like something you dont understand. Tags are contradictory: responsible and unpredictable; pensive and free-spirited; loud and sensitive. Those near and dear have no idea who they are dealing with, as even I scratch my head when asked to figure out me.

Not purposefully being difficult, not trying to be different. I am still just wondering if I like me for the who I have become.

james blunt’s fault

when you are listening to james blunt
when you are sick and swamped with work
when you are delirious but have to sit in front of the computer to get things done anyway

it’s quite easy to feel goddamn pathetic and sad.